Kim Evoy, MA, RCC - Registered Clinical Counsellor, Marriage and Couples Therapist
“Understanding is a fountain of
life to those who have it.”
~ Ancient Proverb ~

Client Testimonials for
Kim Evoy, MA, RCC

Clients testimonials permitted only for No publication or use of testimonials without written permission from Kim Evoy, MA, RCC.

Amanda and Ryan

At the beginning of counselling we both knew we had a long road ahead of us and we really weren’t sure at that time how our journey would end up. I guess for both of us, our greatest fear was whether or not we would make it as a couple. Looking back, we’re glad that we made a real commitment towards our relationship and counselling. We feel that being committed to the process of counselling was a key for change in our relationship and kept continuing to plow through session after session, making small steps of progress along the way. Kim encouraged us along the way and said she was amazed at the way we stuck with it.

Amanda – When I first showed up for counselling I was severely depressed. A psychiatrist was prescribing me medication. In the past I had had a number of counsellors as well as electro-convulsive therapy (shock treatment) but most of it didn’t really help. I started journaling a daily and weekly schedule of goals and activities and that really helped me get started on my road to recovery from depression. As far as my relationship with Ryan, it was at a pretty low point. I felt that most things I did and said just didn’t measure up to his standards. No matter what I did, I couldn’t please him. I would get full of anxiety in my stomach when I figured I was doing something wrong. I constantly felt like I was some student being “taught a lesson” by my husband who I perceived to be often lecturing me about things I did or said. I felt criticized. I got to the point where I was afraid to speak up or doing anything. I would hide and shut out Ryan and withdraw into my own world. My guard was up. It seemed like I was losing myself and was becoming “voiceless.” I felt like an invisible human being, insignificant. The thought of actually asserting myself and using my voice was scary. I felt hopeless and helpless.

Throughout the counselling process I slowly realized that I had to begin taking the risk to speak up, use my voice, and share my needs and wants with Ryan. I became more assertive and found the power to be myself. Ryan was able to respect the new me. I began feeling better about myself and the depression was slowly lifting. I no longer feel the need to be defensive and have been able to let my guard down and have real heart-to-heart conversations with Ryan. Whereas before we would sweep problems under the rug, now, we are able to work through our conflicts and I feel understood and validated in the end. I feel like I’ve got my marriage back and feel hope for a brighter future.

Ryan – I felt like the burden of our relationship was on me and that I was the one who had to make it work and hold everything together. I constantly felt like I had to “fix” the relationship…maybe I acquired that fixing trait because of the way I grew up, always having to perform, accomplish, and achieve the very best. I greatly feared losing Amanda and often felt ignored or disregarded by her. I now understand she was withdrawing to protect herself but I perceived that she used withdrawal as a power over me. Her withdrawing made me feel powerless and unworthy. Consequently, sometimes I would get aggressive in pursuit of a better relationship with Amanda. I would strive to “teach” her a better way when all along didn’t realize that she was feeling criticized by my actions. It was like I was under constant pressure to fix the relationship.

Counselling has helped me realize that I don’t have to “fix” Amanda and everything that goes wrong. I realize my main task in our relationship is simply to support her, to really listen to her, and empathize with her. She doesn’t need a lecture from me, she just needs to know that I’m behind her 100%. I’m getting better at just supporting her, letting her go, and allowing her to be her own person. Now we can talk after we have had an argument and really work things through. We both end up really listening to and empathizing with the other. I feel safer with Amanda more now than ever before because I know that after a big disagreement, we will be able to come to an understanding.

Ryan, 41, Building Contractor
Amanda, 35, Salesperson
Surrey, B.C.

Mick and Lisa

We have been married for 29 years and have five grown children and 4 grandchildren. Since the beginning of our marriage we’ve struggled to achieve emotional and sexual intimacy.

Mick – I have through the years suffered from mild depression and found through counselling that my negativity really contributed to those low mood feelings. I was not sleeping well and felt overwhelmed at times by obligations and workload. I discovered that one of the themes of my life was that I had never quite fit in; I seemed to be always “on the outside looking in;” I often felt that I did not truly belong. I would often come home from some social event and feel just plain lonely; I could not seem to connect with Lisa even though I longed to. I seemed to have lost much of my ability to have fun.

Today I feel like a man who is free to love; to love without hindrances. I have found a sense of belonging and acceptance with my wife and am having more fun. Our sexual relationship has gotten much better and I am confident that it will just get better and better.

Lisa – Before counselling I had become afraid to reveal my true feelings to Mick. It was like we would disagree about the same things over and over again and could never come to a resolution. I ended up keeping my true feelings to myself…it would just hurt too much to share them openly. I did not feel safe to open up to my husband. Somehow I felt that I had to suffer in silence. I realized that throughout my whole life I had never really acknowledged that I even had feelings…I just stuffed them inside. I would fight back “like a cat” instead.

After counselling with Kim I feel like my husband and I are much more like partners. Mick really “listens” to me now and I feel that I am truly being heard. I am now willing to take more risks and let my guard down and show my true feelings. I have learned how to really cry, that crying is ok and that having strong feelings is ok. Before I would slough off my emotions and even laugh at them (in a sense disregarding that precious part of myself). Now I validate my emotions, realizing that they are there for an important reason. I feel like Mick now provides me with a safe place to express my true feelings. I am also feeling much better about our sexual relationship; we are now much more relaxed and emotionally close.

Mick, Retired Business Owner (55)
Lisa, Dental Hygienist (52)
Surrey, B.C.