How I Work

The Power of Our Counselling Relationship

Believe it or not, the healthy vibrant counselling relationship that we can have together is the best motivator for your personal change. This is what the latest research is telling us. No matter what techniques or methods are used in marriage counselling, (and they are all good when used appropriately) if our relationship is good, then change starts to happen! This is the bottom line:

• How you feel about the whole counselling process and the results of marriage counselling is vitally important. During each counselling session, I will “check in” with you and your partner about our counselling relationship in order to ensure that you are satisfied with the process and the results – and that you are feeling valued, comfortable, and respected. Your feelings and concerns on any matter will be taken seriously. I will be listening very carefully to your views about what you want to accomplish in love relationship therapy. Within the safe place that I will endeavor to provide you with, you can explore difficulties and find solutions to problems.
• The quality of our counselling relationship together will have an impact on whether or not you begin to feel better about yourself and your love relationship. As your counsellor, I will approach you and your partner with an attitude that says “I’m not ‘the expert’ on you, you are – I’m learning and I want to know more about you.” I will provide you with the non-judgmental acceptance you will need to explore difficult situations.
• I am able to provide you with the best quality care possible because I care well for myself. For marriage counselling to be effective, I myself must stay vibrant, inquisitive, and energized for each new client(s) coming through my door while at the same time remaining genuinely warm and supportive. This is why I often submit my work to the supervision of colleagues. They give me sound advice and wisdom as to how I can continually improve my practice. This is standard practice. I am also up-to-date on the latest research in the field on what makes love relationship therapy work.

Building a solid relationship with you is the foundation for my therapeutic approach. My approach includes both person-centred therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy.

Person-Centred Therapy is a therapeutic approach which places you, my client, at the centre of counselling. I empower you to steer the direction of therapy. I will not present to you a phony professional façade like I am the expert and have all the answers for you. Person-centred therapy is a mutual exploration of your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. My appreciation of your emotional world creates a process in which I come to have an ever-deepening respect and understanding of who you truly are. I do not judge your thoughts and feelings but accept them as part of your personal struggle. I try to “walk in your shoes” and listen to what you are really saying and only on that basis do I attempt to interpret what is happening in your life.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy focuses on changing negative thinking patterns that often occur without you or your partner even being aware of them. Or, if you are aware of them, you feel helpless to do anything about them. Those negative thoughts will usually affect the way you are feeling about yourself and your relationship. In turn, they will also influence the way you behave in your relationship. Some examples of negative thinking patterns would be:

• labeling yourself or your relationship as a “failure” because your relationship is not turning out as expected
• becoming obsessed in your mind about negative events in your relationship and consequently believing that the whole relationship is just as dark and gloomy
• expecting the worse to happen in your relationship
• telling yourself over and over that “I should have done this” or “he/she shouldn’t be that way”
• labeling your partner with negative qualities when perhaps you don’t really understand what is motivating him or her

These are just a few common examples. Changing your thoughts through cognitive behavioural therapy in marriage counselling can bring relief from painful emotions. It can give you courage to act in new positive ways that will bring fulfillment to your love relationship.

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To get started, you can sign up for my newsletter Relationship Reflections and receive my 10 Top Guidelines for Couples: Turning Disagreements Into Win-Win Solutions. Many couples begin their journey toward a healthy relationship by putting these simple guidelines into practice.

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Please call me for a complimentary phone conversation at 604.728-3233. We can discuss how you and your partner would like to get started on the road toward a happier relationship and how I might be able to help you in that process. 

For more information, please go to my love relationship therapy and marriage counselling services page.